Will Forte, Our Fake Movie Friend
Episode Description
The Boys are joined by WILL FORTE as he tries to convince them that his upcoming movie is definitely real and not fake.
Catch Coyote vs. Acme in theaters August 28th!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02): Mm hmmm. Speaker 2 (00:05): Will, one second, well, what were you gonna say? It's it's it's a big one. It's a big one. So I actually think you want to live for it. Whatever you have, I would encourage you to get it out now. Speaker 1 (00:21): I have something just for just for Will, and I not to make you feel excluded, but it's something for Willing. Speaker 2 (00:27): I think it is so important that you guys have your thing. Speaker 1 (00:32): Let's have our space, because I don't want to you guys need something that's just your get derailed. So Will, yes, thank you so much for coming, first of all. Speaker 2 (00:43): And I'll just listen, and that's okay. Speaker 1 (00:45): And his can be in here and you're free to listen. Speaker 2 (00:47): I'll just I'll just watch, honestly, if I'm allowed to see your thing or you go over here. Speaker 1 (00:52): What's nice for me with this, Hayes, is I have sort of a neutral observer, and I don't know how this is gonna go, you know, transparently, I don't know how. Speaker 2 (01:03): This will go. I do you know how mine's gonna go. You're here well in a look are we friends? We're friends? Speaker 1 (01:12): You're here in a promotional capacity. Speaker 2 (01:15): It is work. Speaker 1 (01:16): Yes, you are stumping for your latest feature film. Yes, yes, so you've made. Speaker 2 (01:23): A movie on the campaign trail. Hey, do we know anyone else missing babies and babes? Do we know anyone else? Speaker 1 (01:31): Maybe in someone in this room who recently made a movie, had one released a couple of weeks ago. Speaker 2 (01:38): Mm hmm, thank real quick? Let me thank you real quick? You said in this room, okay, because Casey has one, but. Speaker 1 (01:49): It's not out yet, hasn't release though, where's that at? So their fielding offers, Oh, and I believe Casey? Speaker 2 (02:01): Tell me if I'm wrong? Speaker 1 (02:04): Are we locked? And have we done the final mix? Speaker 3 (02:09): We're locked working on the final mix. Speaker 2 (02:11): And the mix isn't finished. Speaker 1 (02:14): But I was referring to myself and will have. Speaker 4 (02:17): You seen my film? Speaker 1 (02:18): It was Sean, have you seen my film? Speaker 2 (02:21): The wait? Speaker 3 (02:23): Sean, I'm not even sure what's the I got young kids, so I don't know what's okay, what's the movie called? Speaker 2 (02:31): That's fine. Speaker 1 (02:32): I didn't know how it goes. Now I'm seeing how it's going to go, so just and I just want to zoom out. So you want me to see your movie? Speaker 2 (02:44): I think you don't even know about my movie. Are not allowed. Speaker 1 (02:50): To see movies? I have very young kids. I've had them watch them one Actually that's. Speaker 3 (02:56): The young kid. Speaker 2 (02:59): How how you're old? Speaker 3 (03:01): Are your kids seven and four? Okay, well, yeah, I should have seen your movie, and I apologize. Speaker 1 (03:07): What is your movie called his? I don't want this whole thing to be about my movie. You didn't see my movie. You want me to see your movie. You want me to promote your movie. You don't know about my movie. So that's just where we stand, and it's going. Speaker 3 (03:16): To affect a little bit, like maybe my enthusiasm, you know, during I understand, I understand that. Speaker 1 (03:22): Just fine. Speaker 3 (03:22): I mean, my job is to talk about the movie and people can make their decision on whether they want to see it or not. Speaker 1 (03:29): You can't force anyone to see the movie. I found that out the hard way. Speaker 2 (03:32): Just but that's the thing, is, like, that's. Speaker 3 (03:34): Why I'm out here to get the word out. Maybe you didn't successfully get the word out about your movie. Well, and because I didn't know. I either didn't know that you were involved in a movie that I've heard of, or I just haven't getting. Speaker 2 (03:45): A word out. Speaker 1 (03:45): As being on this podcast, I've been doing that literally every day. Speaker 3 (03:47): For the past fifteen years. Okay, that's true. Speaker 2 (03:50): That's true. Speaker 1 (03:50): So if that's getting the word out, then that there's sometimes three truly nothing more I could have do. Speaker 3 (03:55): Okay, I see your point. I see your point. Speaker 2 (03:57): But it's fine. It's fine, But Hayes had something. You said, The job is you're here to talk about the movie, right. Speaker 3 (04:06): It's I mean it's not I. Speaker 2 (04:08): Mean that the job is that part of your dread. Yes, here's what happens in it. Yeah, here's how much it costs. Okay, here's. Speaker 1 (04:21): Like the different guy, fucking big man. Speaker 2 (04:25): I don't know if it's him or. Speaker 3 (04:26): What you were sweating when you walked in the door. You brought that sweat in with you, damn dude. Speaker 2 (04:36): But go ahead. Speaker 1 (04:39): You have. Speaker 2 (04:41): One of the best reputations of not just anyone in Hollywood, anyone I've ever met met or like heard people talk. Speaker 3 (04:51): About waiting for a butt. Speaker 2 (04:55): Yeah, and it's my experience as well, just like nothing but anecdotally, anecdotally, and every interaction has been positive and everything you hear like like there's there there's nobody who people talk about that like the way they talk about you. No. Speaker 1 (05:18): But and. Speaker 2 (05:22): That's why it hurts me so much that this movie will end up destroying your reputation. HM, not just. Speaker 4 (05:37): To say that, take your time. Speaker 2 (05:43): The story of the movie is you made it right. And then the suits came along. They said, hey, like, we don't like, we hate movies. Not allowed to do that movies anymore, right, and they and they they put in the deep in the blast freezer in the walk (06:04): in yeah right, ye with the big swinging hogs. Yeah right, And you guys, really we love movies. We're pissed off. People are in the streets me when. Speaker 1 (06:15): The blastphraz are like, I'm gonna chop the door down with an axe and get this thing out. They're pissed, and I don't care if the hogs hit me in the face. Speaker 3 (06:23): You know. Speaker 2 (06:24): They say show us the movie, and you're like yeah, right right yeah, And then finally the suit's cave they say, all right, you can have your movie, right, we'll show it. Speaker 4 (06:38): Here's your movie. It means that much to you. Speaker 2 (06:40): And then you guys, the team right behind the project like, oh fuck, we never made a movie at all. It was all a fucking lie. There is no movie. You guys had played the perfect game. Make a movie and (07:03): pretend yeah and say that and villainize. Speaker 1 (07:08): Of course, these fat cats, these suits who were all so primed to be mad at or were at that time. I feel like that's calmed down a little bit. Yeah, that now with some hindsight, it's like, can we just admit that's haslot seems kind of cool. I mean, the guy's court side at the NIXT game, he's cheering for his team. That's like me, It's called show business. How (07:33): is that any different than what I'm doing? By the way, he made some of those investors when they're supposed to give them money. Isn't that his job? I mean, your job to promote the movie? Speaker 2 (07:42): What's his job? Speaker 1 (07:43): Get those shareholders a little bit of dollars and cents in their pocket? Speaker 2 (07:46): And damned if he didn't do it. But at the time it was good business. Speaker 1 (07:51): These guys like you know, they suck, they don't like movies like we do. Speaker 2 (07:56): And to intentionally, yes, get them, we put in the blast freezer when actually there was nothing in the can. Speaker 4 (08:05): It's an empty case. Speaker 2 (08:06): And now this movie's got like supposed to be released in a few days and there's there is no actual movie. And that's why. Speaker 1 (08:16): And I've stopped sweating now that it's out in the open and you can probably feel that that. I think it was the pressure I was feeling emanating from you, of we're gonna have to show them something, and sure, she ain't gonna be the movie that. Speaker 2 (08:28): We talked about because that didn't happen. Speaker 3 (08:31): Yes, So it was a tricky situation, and I didn't want to, you know, talk about this because because I didn't know that a lot of people knew this story. Everyone get everyone, there's a movie does not exist. And we just got a bunch of like really good reviews came out yesterday. We're at ninety six percent of Rotten Tomatoes, and we are scrambling to make a movie in the (08:55): next you know, a couple of weeks. Speaker 2 (08:59): Will live up to the view a lot of those reviews. Speaker 1 (09:01): If you've ever read a review, it's an interesting piece of journalism. It's one sentence that says the four people involved in the movie, four and a half paragraphs recapping details of the movie in very slightly different ways than one sentence of opinion. And so they are they are (09:22): unique in their structure. But because the bulk of it is just sort of a vague recap, you're in a pickle. There's a lot of reviews coming out and there is no movie, so it be a massive film to the recaps. Speaker 2 (09:37): No, it makes it. Speaker 3 (09:38): It's our work is cut out for yes, because we know exactly what we're supposed to do. It's like, okay, well. Speaker 1 (09:43): There's a roadmap in some ways, but there's also some conflicting reports. Speaker 2 (09:46): I think you sent you just made a movie. Speaker 1 (09:50): Is I don't want to talk about that with Will because I don't know if it's competitive. Speaker 2 (09:54): I don't know what it is. Speaker 3 (09:55): He doesn't want to know about you traditional make the movie first. Speaker 1 (09:59): Yeah, I guess I'm feeling like a fucking sucker because I see you sitting in the catbird set over here. Speaker 2 (10:04): But whether or not you made the movie, what you send to the you send the critics the can with the reels in it. They open the can. It has a twenty dollars bill and a synopsis inside, just a written thing. It's like, make it yours, make it your own stand performance. Will Will reliable as always. Speaker 1 (10:27): You know, just whatever whatever you want, the little bit of flowers for you and then some kind of yeah, some details that you know you can shoot in a couple of days, and. Speaker 2 (10:35): That's how you get to ninety six ninety sixty seventy dollars bills. Speaker 1 (10:40): And I got a message for the four percent. We're coming for your. Speaker 3 (10:45): Ass, Thank you very much. Think we don't stand for that. Speaker 2 (10:50): I'm sorry. Speaker 1 (10:51): There's ninety six percent on this side and you're in the four percent. Speaker 2 (10:56): It might be time to look in the mirror. Yes, this thing ain't up for debate. Speaker 3 (11:02): Some people just don't like quality. Speaker 1 (11:04): And that's where you'll find. Comedy is subjective, isn't it. Speaker 3 (11:07): Well that's what Yeah, that's I think he's famously been told said that the comedy is subjective. Speaker 1 (11:13): Yeah, and I agree. I'm starting to think I'm so cheap. Some are richie stuff I don't always get. I don't always get it. I know it's good, but it doesn't hit me in the funny bone, you know. But I'm good. But also some of it, damn, well, this guy's got (11:36): me lollin. Speaker 2 (11:39): That's what it's free Like, I'm not laughing, that's right now. It's a smile. It's not a laugh. I get what he's doing. I like it. It's a smile for me. Speaker 1 (11:49): It's not a big laugh for me. Yeah, But I recognize there's craft there. Speaker 2 (11:56): I can't explain it to my wife. I can't like go home and like try to describe the experience of seeing it and it has relationship a lot. That's a bad way. Speaker 1 (12:05): Yeah, well, I mean sorry I bumped his you know. Oh wait, now I really want to go back. Speaker 3 (12:13): To your movie? Speaker 2 (12:13): What is what movie? Were you stupid? This is about your today's about your. Speaker 1 (12:17): Movie ideas for his movie that he needs to make it. Speaker 2 (12:23): When does the movie come come out? Speaker 3 (12:27): It's August twenty eighth Friday. August twenty eighth Friday, and a week earlier I think in the UK. Speaker 2 (12:34): Okay, so we really have to get going. And are you worried they're going to be like waiting for you at the airport to what do you mean? No, sometime like to show intent, Sometimes they let you get all the way onto the plane, you know what I mean. They can't like they can't get you on, trying to (12:55): flee until you're like in your seat, you like, buckle up and they like and now they have proof. Well, you were trying to take the money from the budget of the movie. We intend to make this movie. You making this move August twenty eighth, Yes, okay, that's soon. Well, (13:17): I know. Speaker 1 (13:19): I wish you a lot of luck because it's having made a movie, and I hate. Speaker 2 (13:25): To bring it up now. Speaker 1 (13:25): I feel like an asshole because he didn't want to know about it, but having made one, it took me longer than that. Speaker 2 (13:32): What is the movie called? You have to tell me now? Speaker 4 (13:35): He's obsessed? Speaker 3 (13:36): I am obsessed? Is it obsession? Are you an obsession? Speaker 2 (13:40): I had a couple of coffee with Curry Barker, like we all did, and he's had a lot of ideas like that, like scary, like freaky ideas. Freaky. It would be actually even better than obsession. Speaker 1 (13:52): Oh, some of the stuff I think about, well, I don't even know if it could go on film. If anybody can put it on it's casey, then we'd be in the mix for and a half years. Speaker 2 (14:02): He has one about a wife, like a crazy like a wife. Speaker 1 (14:06): She's like she's like a wife, and she's so weird and she's so loud. Speaker 2 (14:10): Will she is so loud? Speaker 1 (14:13): You are right next to her and she is talking at a volume that is just like untenable, and like. Speaker 2 (14:21): Kind of scamping around always like doing something, you know what I mean, always like what are you doing over there? Speaker 1 (14:28): It's yes, it's the bustling wife and she's set at a decibel level that you just cannot imagine. Speaker 2 (14:35): Feeling good for her. Speaker 3 (14:37): Yes, have you sketched it out? Or is it what step in the process? Speaker 2 (14:43): There's beats. It's all in pieces right now, you know, I think you know what I mean. Speaker 1 (14:50): It's not a treatment. Speaker 3 (14:51): It's not a treatment. It's okay, okay, it's. Speaker 1 (14:57): Sort of I don't know if you this, but as I get older, writing is more like a crossword puzzle. I know what this piece is, oh, and this piece seems totally unrelated, but look at the very end they connect, okay, And what is it in between these that can put (15:18): the entire puzzle together to make, you know, to make a full shape, a full film. And so I just let those things come to me. So I have now, I think about three hundred and twenty six scenes of the wife doing different things that the husband does not like, and none of them are expressly connected in like a (15:42): you know, act one, two and. Speaker 2 (15:44): Three way, but they've all got the wife, and it's such a using between stuff, like it's like, okay, you're awaken. You're supposed to be asleep. Why are you awake? Or you're asleep, like, why are you sleeping already? Are you still asleep? You know what I mean? Already? Yeah, it's (16:04): hard to choose between those sometimes for a movie like this, because you want to be consistent too, Like you don't want to tell two different stories. Speaker 3 (16:12): Unless that's the last conundrum. Speaker 1 (16:15): Yeah, because some of these have multiple stories. Speaker 2 (16:19): It's a crossword. Speaker 3 (16:20): Yeah, but I mean it sounds like you got a good start there to it. Three hundred and seven said yeah, I think I said three hundred and twenty six. But it doesn't matter which one I said, because it's not accurate because I just came up with two more and the sleeping thing is now kicking around. Speaker 2 (16:38): That was just an example it, but that would be yeah. Speaker 3 (16:43): I mean, have you ever thought about writing it together? Clearly he just came up with something that's like. Speaker 2 (16:50): It seems to hit in solid gold. Yeah. No, the sleeping or being awake thing. Speaker 1 (16:55): We have to pick one of them, obviously, but whichever one we do is going to be I think could open the movie. Speaker 3 (17:00): But do you have to pick one of them? What if you sliding doors did and you and I told you. Speaker 2 (17:06): There was movies with different stories, and he's just and he's just come up with one. I wanted to sort of like get this, so we are not really allowed to write together. We went to the WGA at some point. Yeah, and it was in those meetings. Did you go to those, like when we were talking about striking, I did not, (17:27): but I heard about them. Maybe next time you could go. Yeah. Speaker 1 (17:32): Yeah. Speaker 2 (17:34): It was kind of an important moment for not a bad thing for some of almost prominent members with the greatest reputations to be visible in that way. Yeah, but you know, people were talking about the realities of the industry and like where the episode numbers, and like the side of the room, like where things are at we're trying to get to. Speaker 4 (17:52): By the way, the main character could go to the WGA, the Wives Grousing Association, I. Speaker 2 (18:00): Mean that's you know, that's just and the main character is the boy. Just to be clear, like the main character is not your wife, but he sees the meeting, and then she could be in the meeting too. Yeah, she could be there too, And so Sean, I think you were the first one to get up in the meeting. (18:21): We had sort of a I did a yeah, I did like a tight he did a little thing. They sort of finished with like, why don't we all write something together? Yeah, the entire room. Speaker 1 (18:32): They can't possibly unemploy all of us if we've all written the new best script together and then we'll all sell it, you know, as a not just. Speaker 2 (18:42): The room, the whole everybody, just the entire WGA writes it together. What are we doing competing against each other? The power of you together. Speaker 1 (18:55): This guy's got a job, he's making all this money, and I'm not does that sound like a union to you? Let's both have it, you know. And I'm pointing at Chris Nolan or whoever else you know, and I'm going get in, get over your christ put your arm around me. Speaker 2 (19:10): We're brothers. Speaker 3 (19:12): Chris Nolan was at the meeting. Speaker 1 (19:16): I was it was it him, so I was calling him Chris, and he was making a face that was telling me this might not be Chris, so that it. Speaker 2 (19:27): Was hard to tell because like my job at that point we kind of scripted it out we're writers, was to get up and go yeah. Speaker 1 (19:36): I needed somebody to be on my side right away, because the general tone the whole build up was people kind of murmuring and kind of there was a very negative tenor kind of building. Speaker 2 (19:50): But I was miked, and we had done a whole tech rehearsal ahead of time, and so I was like wired to all the speakers in the facility, and something about something was different from rehearsal to like the actual moment, and it was like it was loud. It was way (20:11): too loud. It was too loud, and it didn't even read as a yeah like it. Speaker 1 (20:14): It was sort of just this ear splitting shriek and sounded like someone being badly hurt. And so then it was the attention did turn to Hayes, which was the design, but also the level of the attention was like, somebody (20:35): helped this guy in a way that like, even if my thing had had momentum. Speaker 2 (20:41): It really would have derailed it. Speaker 1 (20:43): And and. Speaker 2 (20:45): I'm not angry, and we've discussed it. Speaker 1 (20:47): You played it up in that way too, because there's a lot of people then touching him and picking him up to. Speaker 2 (20:52): Doing something, you know, really something, because they were like you were like the people right around me, like we we had set it up so that we were like on opposite sides of the thing, so that these guys are definitely not together. Yeah, we came in definitely like far apart. Yeah, and so the people around me when (21:14): it was first happening were like really really pissed off. And so that's why I had to turn it really quickly and like grab my knee. Speaker 1 (21:24): Yeah, and like no, it would have been I think for him to yeah, to continue with the original plan. Speaker 2 (21:32): But it did anyway. Speaker 1 (21:34): It made it that if we write something together now I think enough people saw us at that meeting, they would possibly put the entire backstory, uh, you know together in a way that would be would be bad for us sort of moving forward. Speaker 3 (21:52): Oh okay, well that's too bad because you did. I mean what you just described is something basically a collaboration that you've yeah done that we could try to turn something, turn it into something. Speaker 4 (22:05): Got to turn something into something sooner or later. Speaker 1 (22:08): Yeah, you're on this, Uh you're on this promotional blitz. Where else are we going? Speaker 2 (22:22): Well? Speaker 3 (22:23): Where else are we going? Speaker 2 (22:24): Yeah? Speaker 1 (22:24): I like to prep I mean, okay, this is going well. I would you agree this is the going the best so far of it. Speaker 3 (22:31): You've got this podcast I've ever done, so this. Speaker 1 (22:34): One's going really well. But we also do always like to say it doesn't end when this podcast ends, you know, there's there's always going to be a next one. Oh god, oh no, oh okay, oh that you even think that is that hurts me. Speaker 2 (22:53): We will we will have to disavow, assuming you are unable to make this entire films, we will have to out. We probably won't bring a pitchfork, but like I'm just likemined, (23:15): it's figurative, but like, yeah, there's probably a guy there who is handing them out, and so we're just we'll probably grab. Speaker 5 (23:24): One lazy, yeah, just really lazy pitchfork down by my waist, kind of like pointed out, just like oh, I've got it, but und yeah not no shaking and like you know, like yelling, just like. Speaker 2 (23:41): Pitchfork down kind of like yeah, lets but yeah, let's got him bring some hay and put it on the ground and kind of poke at it. So people think like, oh, he might actually be just doing something with the hay, and he might actually not be part of the other we're here with a worker will job. He might actually be just happening to be here doing something with the Hey. Yeah, yeah, (24:05): we're gonna. Speaker 1 (24:06): Ride the line in a way where like we obviously can't get out in front of like defending you, but we are not going to be the main part of the people who are. Speaker 3 (24:13): You're not going to have anything to defend. This movie's coming out on the twenty eighth. Uh huh, it's going to be great. And yeah, are you telling Are you telling me? Or are you telling you? I'm telling you, I'm telling everyone. I'm telling anybody who would listen. Speaker 2 (24:26): Who's the movie for? Speaker 3 (24:28): It's for people of all ages, it's for. Speaker 2 (24:30): Who's this who's this act for? Speaker 3 (24:32): It's get old, it's not an act, it is it is and it's and it's brand new, it's fresh. So I don't know you're maybe it's maybe you're on an alternate universe for people age faster. Speaker 2 (24:46): The Cupboard's bear will okay, the Emperor's hanging brain and Pie's porget these porge gold. Don't treat me like I'm nine days old, you fucking asshole. Speaker 1 (25:07): Well, the truth is, I think what Hayes is trying to say is we were born at night, but we weren't born last night, sweetie. Speaker 2 (25:16): So you could try that. Speaker 1 (25:17): You want to try you want to try this on seth Myers, you go right ahead, and I'm sure he will lap it up with a spoon. Speaker 2 (25:24): Okay, but you're in the pressure cooker. Speaker 1 (25:26): Now, my man, and if you really want to survive this thing, you better sell me. Speaker 2 (25:32): Are we gonna name the movie? Speaker 3 (25:35): The movie is called Coyote Versus Acne. It's been named for a long. Speaker 2 (25:38): Time by Sandy Fraser, whose legacy is being dishonored by your dishonesty from the fakeness. Okay, the movie is not real, and also none of the characters are real. Speaker 1 (25:59): Well, I when as soon as you said the coyote ig this, we're just drawing ship out of a hat. Look when I said it was like a crossword puzzle out at me. You just randomly make up letters to put in. I. Speaker 3 (26:11): Look, I gotta come clean because I think you deserve total honesty. Speaker 2 (26:15): I was not honest with you. Speaker 3 (26:18): I was going with what you say because I the movie was made a long time ago. We did actually make the movie, and we did it and then traditionally, no, we did it the additional way where we we we You know, somebody wrote a Scream three paid this script and I didn't. I just felt like you were very (26:39): excited about the story you had told. But I want to just let you know that we had we made the story. It is already also relaxed about it. Speaker 2 (26:49): Guilty. Speaker 1 (26:49): I love stories because I wouldn't the police. I wouldn't if that's if that's illegal, now put me in the chair. I just wouldn't have done your podcast if I had to make a whole movie. Speaker 2 (27:01): And for that threats not a threat. Speaker 3 (27:05): This is just Look, it's a movie I'm proud of. I love it, and we did make it, and so that's why I got the review. You wouldn't be the first one to. Speaker 1 (27:13): Get here and decide not to do the podcast, and you wouldn't be the last either. I'm not. Speaker 3 (27:16): I wanted I'm here to do the podcast, so am I. But also yeah, I mean, look, it's yeah, okay, so that's why I'm promoting now. So just yeah, it's real, it's really. Speaker 2 (27:33): All right, all right. I didn't want to have you do this. I didn't want to have to do this. I didn't want to know. Now you're gonna have to deal with Josh. Josh get it here, Hey, guys, walk in here. Speaker 1 (27:52): So Josh is ship sort of our secret weapon. Speaker 2 (27:56): We've never ever had to bring in Josh before. This is the first time Josh has ever come I've ever had to bring in Josh and you don't want to know what he's got to do with this. Speaker 1 (28:13): By the way, keeping that thing on there is part of Josh's job. You don't want to know why this comes off? Speaker 2 (28:22): How's it going, Will? Well, he's and he's really asking you. Speaker 3 (28:27): It's going great, and. Speaker 2 (28:28): He wants to know the truth. Yeah, how this microphone stand come off? Hailing Will? Will? And Hay's pulled it off? Why? Because he's sick of the lied Josh? I release you (28:51): go outside, and Josh is the one who uh when you have to validate at the end, he has. Speaker 5 (29:03): Not. Speaker 2 (29:04): He will not be giving you a sticker. That's what this was about. You will not be receiving a sticker. Liars, do you not get. Speaker 1 (29:11): Gosh has looked you in the eye and he sees right in your soul. Speaker 2 (29:14): I mean you can feel it. Speaker 3 (29:16): You called me a liar from the very beginning. Speaker 2 (29:21): I remember I was just being the beginning. Actually, I was trying to be pleasant, which respectful. Speaker 1 (29:30): Which is a long, long game you've been playing mister pleasant, mister respectful, funny, nice to talk to, always kind remembers things about you. And it's like, why is he doing this. I never thought to ask. I never thought to ask. Speaker 2 (29:48): A long, long, long game. Speaker 1 (29:50): And then suddenly the news of the movie comes out cohooting from this thing with the friend with the with uh the. Speaker 2 (30:02): Hack. Speaker 3 (30:04): That's exactly what he and I. Speaker 2 (30:06): Go, oh, now I get it. It was all set up. Speaker 4 (30:13): Woomy once will. Speaker 2 (30:16): Who's the director? Quick? Right now? Quick? Quick? Dave Green? Okay, all right, Dave Green shirt over there. He looked right at the green shirt. And where do you get Dave from? You must watch it last night. Speaker 1 (30:33): M hmm, Kevin Cleme movie with the fake president. Speaker 2 (30:37): Of course, of course he's got. Speaker 1 (30:42): All these fake schemes in his in his brain is rather not. He's going, god, I'm trying to pull off my own Dave right now by plugging in this guy who looks like the president saying that he's actually a president. Speaker 2 (30:53): And then we learned something really about the president in this way and and what that office should mean, you know. Speaker 1 (31:00): And then as that's going on for him, he sees the green shirt and he makes up this name and it's as transparent as hell. This is transparent as the. Speaker 2 (31:13): Face. Speaker 1 (31:13): Yeah, that will be happening on these these people. Lap it up with a spoon, Seth Myers, et cetera, and all these other guys. Where are we going after this? Speaker 2 (31:24): Thank you for not commenting on my clear nose. I haven't seen you in a while. Obviously my nose is completely clear. Which happened. That's why imagine transparent as the nose on my face. Oh, I thought it was going to be something that people were doing. I had heard (31:47): in conversations that I think I misinterpreted. Where like I thought I was going to be the first one of a lot of people to get my nose clarified. M hm, like as a new kind of like people are getting all this stuff now, Oh my god. Procedures, I mean, what have you been getting into. Speaker 3 (32:08): Because we all I actually have not had any medical procedures. Speaker 2 (32:13): I never had any procedures. We got to do something. Speaker 1 (32:16): I mean, we don't have to do clear nose, but we've got to do something, just even to be a part of the conversation. Speaker 3 (32:21): No, I mean at some point, you know, my my eyelids are very droopy. If they ever droop to the point that I can't see, yeah, something, you know, something just so I can see. But unless it's like a medical condemned belief. I don't think i'll I don't know that I'll do it just for looks. Speaker 2 (32:43): No, you would not do it just for looks. You would do it. Speaker 3 (32:45): But I mean, if you're going to do it, you might as well do it right. You might as well go on make it look good while they're in there. But it's gonna happen only if you know what I mean, if it droops droops over. Speaker 2 (32:55): You know, they call you from the shop and they're like, you know, We're like, well, you get an oil change while you're at it. Speaker 4 (33:03): We're down here noticing. Speaker 1 (33:04): Yeah, break paths are a little thing you know you're gonna need doing six months anyway, and you're already here. Speaker 2 (33:08): Why do you do it? Speaker 3 (33:09): You know what would you guys say? I should get done? Really really be honestly? Speaker 1 (33:16): Yeah, bones, big ass? Howky lips? I'd like to see possibly an additional ass twice the size of the one you have, which we will be increasing the size of. Speaker 2 (33:29): It's too small. Speaker 1 (33:30): I think i'd want too small to bay. It's not a qualitative. It's not a judgment call. I'm just saying what I want to see. It is not that there's something wrong with you it's that it could be very interesting to have big ass, honking lips and a second ass next to our primary ass, which is twice the size of our primary ass, which has been increased in size. Okay, (33:52): And I think that when he says bones, that really gets me going in terms of having possibly a skeletal like vestigial wing coming out from behind my shoulders and you having the same thing, and that we have sort of a greeting that we do with one another where we like kind of fist bump with our like new bony wings. Speaker 2 (34:14): But you can't. You wear like a trench coat and I think you're like a detective or something, and you like walk around in like a world that seems kind of no, it's like New York. Speaker 1 (34:24): Don't do that to yourself. It's not waresome. Don't we do this sometimes as writers? Well, sure we go maybe it's something like this, and it's like. Speaker 2 (34:31): No, own it. Speaker 1 (34:32): You're a detective and a trench coat with wings, and it's. Speaker 2 (34:37): It's scary New York. Like it's dark and rainy and you like solve mysteries and stuff. But like and then you like take your coat off and you like have these big wings like you're like the devil kind of. Speaker 1 (34:50): Yeah, and we go, Okay, yeah, this guy's no wonder. Speaker 2 (34:54): This guy is such a great detective. Speaker 1 (34:55): Yeah yeah, do you like how many busts do you have? So right now I'm ashamed to say I am less than one? So I'm I've gone fractional. Speaker 3 (35:13): Really yeah, do you like putty your butthole? Speaker 2 (35:20): Yeah? Speaker 5 (35:23): So you do? Speaker 1 (35:24): Know? Speaker 2 (35:24): Why do you know about this stuff? If, like you say, you're like so disinterested and you like don't get anything about like I'm disinterested. Speaker 1 (35:32): You know how Tweetybird used to say, I Todd, I thought that, Yeah, he's like I'm friends with him. Speaker 2 (35:36): Yeah, well I shouldn't have given him that, you know what. I actually just bailed him out. He was about to say, who. I could see it on his face. I could see it on his face. Yeah it was. It was pretty clear on his face. Anyway, tweet who what? Speaker 1 (35:57): Yeah, we should have hung him out to dry, But honestly, he'd just slither out of another one. What I learned about this guy, slick Willie. Speaker 2 (36:08): I am having the butt procedure that like Casey is, case is my surrogate. Okay, so it is kind of like growing on his side, and from what does it come from? I am hearing we might have an extra one. (36:32): We might be doubly blessed this time. Ad It's like it's so early and like I'm not even supposed to talk about it. Speaker 1 (36:40): But the tests are looking good and it seems like we may both be able to. Speaker 4 (36:46): Complete our butt families. Speaker 3 (36:49): So wait, you didn't remove, but you started. I have a place I've gone fractional. Speaker 1 (36:55): But Casey who was kind enough to uh use himself as host for Hayes's new butt As sometimes happens, it appears that the butt cells have divided and begun to propagate. Okay, and we might be welcoming two happy, healthy butts into (37:21): the Hollywood Handbook family. Speaker 2 (37:22): From really really exciting, we had three one eight, three viable one eight one of the other ones, which is, honestly, why do you know so much about this? Speaker 3 (37:39): I mean, I went to college. I went to UCLA. What I just want to clear this up. You want you're happy with the size, You're not trying to rebuild, you don't have You're not you don't have misgivings about taking it fractional? Speaker 1 (37:59): Uh No, So I am currently in a situation where because the treatments I was undergoing, sections of my butt collapsed irreparably, and I no longer have what could be characterized as a full and functioning but we but. Speaker 3 (38:16): As like what you hear Michael Jackson's nose was towards the end. Speaker 1 (38:22): Not my favorite analogy, but sure, uh you know if that helps you wrap your head around it. By the way, I don't have to bring up a nose having issues around Hayes. But I guess we don't care who we are. Speaker 2 (38:33): And none of that stuff is related to any of the other stuff that he did. M Okay, okay, there's completely unrelated. Speaker 1 (38:42): Yeah, I've never written a song. And I have another insult for you, which is, you know what I say about people who go to UCLA drop the b. Speaker 2 (38:56): You say they ruins? Speaker 3 (39:01): Where'd you go to school? Speaker 1 (39:02): I didn't. Speaker 2 (39:08): He's very focused. I'm noticing on the experience of someone who does not have something that he is supposed to have. And he's like, you're just okay with that, Like you're just admitting to the world and people your entire butt have something. Speaker 1 (39:28): But what about But aren't you supposed to lie when you need to have something? Speaker 2 (39:30): As safe? Are excited to look at and maybe has a lot of hype around it, and then it termed for the big reveal. You're not just going to try to pretend right up until the last minute. I'm still I want to get back to your butt. You're you took it fractional, you were heading in that direction. Then (39:51): it collapsed and and you lost more than you had wanted to. Speaker 1 (39:54): Lose, lost a couple good men. But couldn't the collapse could since you some structural yes, uh, sort of retaining wall type. Speaker 2 (40:06): Uh elements? Speaker 3 (40:08): Okay, am I correct that you were just hoping to grow one butt and a second one, case happily came along you case it's surely to call. Speaker 1 (40:19): But yes, it's it's looking like that might possibly happen. Speaker 3 (40:23): Yes, would you ever, because that second one is an unexpected blessing, like help him. Speaker 2 (40:29): To So that is what I was trying when I was touching his shoulder, that's where we've been for a little and I said we might have an one. I think if I could have been more clear, like I said about. Speaker 1 (40:42): Yeah, but because it's well and he doesn't want to get my hopes up, because of course it would be. Speaker 2 (40:46): Huge for me do you have some kind of insurance. Speaker 3 (40:51): Do you have an insurance in case case he grows too close to the butts and decides to keep them. Speaker 1 (40:57): Yeah, names the butt himself and yeah, and so part of my fear to extract a butt. Speaker 2 (41:04): Yeah, I don't know. Speaker 1 (41:07): I mean, he's like the sort of the contractual piece of all this, you know, Okay. Speaker 2 (41:13): My my concern is that when you board the plane two a non extraditing country, that Casey will already be there, having booked because of his butt situation, an entire row (41:34): and the rope on the other side of the aisle. Uh and the two of you will get away with three things that are very precious to be literally all (41:54): of the booty mm hmm, those three things being a story and two But what for me? What for my friend? Yeah? Speaker 1 (42:10): But the entire budget of the film mm hmmm, which we were hoping to get some sort of reward for exposing you. It wouldn't be bad if some of it came my way. Was you know, saved our buddy David, all this money that was love by keep bye, by keeping you stateside. So uh so, Yeah, it's a concern. (42:33): It's a fear that we have. But the truth is fact of the matter. We keep on trucking. Speaker 2 (42:39): We'll be fine either way. Speaker 1 (42:42): I sleep great at night because I made my movie, not only saw it, which is fine, which is fine. Speaker 3 (42:54): Ritchie. What's this movie called. Speaker 2 (42:56): It's called Bugs Bunny Versus Dragon Killa. Yeah. Yeah, so it's cool. It's cool. Speaker 1 (43:13): We couldn't get bugs for it, you know, that's just that's what this biz is. Speaker 2 (43:19): You adapt like a comma and you can just they just kind of drew a comma on the poster. Speaker 3 (43:27): Bugs Bunny, there's. Speaker 2 (43:29): Bugs, Yeah, Bunny versus draged. They ended up not being able to get multiple bugs either, so they did have to make a comment extra big so it would cover. Speaker 1 (43:43): But we got Phil Rose the cameo. He came in, he takes you know, he takes a bite of a hot dog. It's like, there's the best hot dog I've ever had. Like that was kind of like a tie in with somebody feed fill. So like that was helpful for us. We asked them to do it kind of in a Dracula. Speaker 2 (44:04): Yeah. Speaker 1 (44:04): We weren't able to get Dracula obviously. Speaker 2 (44:07): Yeah. Yeah, so we got all on you fo. Yeah. Speaker 1 (44:14): Yeah, so that was you know, I'm proud of it. I'm happy with it. You know, it's not ever gonna look exactly the way it did in your head when you drew it up, obviously, what I literally drew a picture of Buck's buddy and fighting Dracula when I drew it up, and that did not end up being the final result, but it was still cool. Speaker 2 (44:34): In terms of the rock Tomato score, are we at a ninety six? Speaker 1 (44:37): No, you know, not right now, but there's always room for it to grow. We did get a nine and a six. Speaker 2 (44:47): Okay, that's good. That's a good start. Yeah. Like for some reason, there were two different. Speaker 1 (44:55): Rod Tomatoes pages. Speaker 2 (44:58): One was a nine and one was a sick I think because the title of the movie changed so many times. Oh, they just kept raving and I was like, you can't just integrate them. And they're like, well, no, we gave this movie a nine. Okay, why is this one worse? Speaker 1 (45:12): One spelled Dracula with a K, and so it was just like okay. And then I was like, well, can you combine them and it's a fifteen and they were like no, it would be like a seven and a half or something if we combine them. So I was like We'll just leave it because at least I got one nine up there, and that's the. Speaker 2 (45:25): Page then he can send to people, is the nine page? Speaker 3 (45:28): Gotcha? Speaker 2 (45:28): Yeah? Speaker 3 (45:29): Got it? Speaker 2 (45:30): Just like sniffing double digits. Speaker 3 (45:32): Yeah, which would be huge for me. Speaker 1 (45:36): I mean, I wish you luck with the fake movie. So I'm so happy that you were able to make it here. Obviously, tell Seth we said hi, if he actually wants us to do the show, I. Speaker 3 (45:50): Mean, I could put in a good word for you, sure. Speaker 1 (45:52): I mean, I wouldn't be against it that it could be a funny episode of the show were there. Speaker 2 (46:03): Is he going to be doing, like his political stuff. We don't want to get tied up in that stuff, you know. Speaker 3 (46:10): I mean, it's kind of separate from the interviews he does, you know, political stuff in the beginning and then and. Speaker 2 (46:15): Then the interviews are but like I don't really want that, you know what. Speaker 1 (46:20): I mean, Lee, when I'm watching it is late, I just want to relax. Speaker 2 (46:26): So if you could just give him, tell him thank you so much. Bye bye,
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